life in the darkness

This week has been rather strange. Well, so far it has. Certain things have been going on, but I’ve managed to talk about them with Katie. Although something keeps buzzing around my mind and I wish it would go away. Something keeps buzzing in my brain, about being a so called “hypercodriac.” If I had nothing wrong, I would not be asking for tests. Or referrals to different places. If there was nothing wrong, they wouldn’t refer me. If there was nothing wrong, I wouldn’t be on the medication I am on now. My medication is necessary. All of it. Last night, part of me was thinking, I may as well just ditch the whole lot. Not bother taking them at all. But then, everything would come back. The tachy, the seizures etc. Oh, but then I’d get told I was “seeking attention.” Well, you all think I’m an apparent hypercondriac, or wasting NHS time! So, what’s the point? Why take my meds if you all think there’s nothing wrong? Why turn up to my appointments? Why make them anyway? Why go to my clinical appointments? Like you all say, if there’s nothing wrong, Then I should be fine, right? Well, unfortunately, there are things that are different. I seek second opinions, because I’ve done my homework. The doctors in London referred me to the royal Brompton. I never asked. They just did. I asked for the bronchoscopy because it was the only test we had not done, to rule everything out. I have no idea what the Royal Brompton will say! I don’t ask for these opinions, because I want to go on an exciting medical adventure! I don’t ask for these tests, just because I want them! I don’t ask for them, if there’s nothing going on! I wouldn’t ask for the likes of an endoscopy, just because I want one! I wouldn’t just go, oh, here’s an idea, I’ll ask for a colonoscopy, because I’ve not had one of those and it would be an interesting thing to do! Why? Because I don’t need them! There’s nothing wrong with my colon! There’s nothing wrong with my stomach. So, why ask for one! A hypercondriac would do such a thing! They’d make up that something was wrong, but there’s nothing at all wrong! I just wanted to get that thing straight. So, those who are calling me that! Please refrane from that! It’s affecting me. It’s affecting my mental health! I’ll ask you agea Please stop. And it’s not just people online. It’s my family as well! Which hurts more! Please stop this!