For years, I’ve been trying to get jobs in different places. I have applied for jobs in tech support, care sector, and many other areas. Nothing. One was particularly hurtful, when the owner of the company turned round and said they couldn’t ensure me. When they had employed a hearing impaired person as a carer. I took 5 minutes or less, to learn how to bolus feed. I understood a lot more than the sighted carers did. Yet, because of my blindness and epilepsy, ensurance companies will not ensure me. If you want my opinion, that is a load of absolute rubbish. Just because certain parts of our bodies don’t work, does not mean you have the right to deny people of employment. I’m studying now towards a psychology degree, with the hope of using it and a masters, if I go for it, to help people like myself with brain injury. I understand people like me, as I get the whole struggle, well, most of it anyway. I understand how it feels to be mocked, judged, made fun of. Pestered, trolled. When all you’re trying to do, is live your own life. To get on with things and eventually move to Liverpool and get some work experience, and a job there. I thank every friend of mine over there, for sticking by me and helping me. Especially my friend Liz. She helped me to get my therapy, she helpv me to understand different things. Took me round Liverpool to her Daughter’s restaurant. I could even mention my friends Helen and Angela, who both let me stay with them at different times of being over there. Helping me to try different foods and also to be able to sing in Mass. Allowing me to meet different people. Thank you to all my friends from the class of Lourdes 2019. I hope we will all meet there again next year.

I have postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome, ehlers-danlos sydrome, total blindness, epilepsy, and asthma. I am an Open University psychology student. Very much wanting to help those with acquired brain injury like myself. I hope you enjoy my adventures. I also have a podcast, and youtube as I am a classically trained singer, as well as an acoustic shooter.

After a few days, I decided, that I’m no-longer going to hide. After 10 plus years of writing a blog: Dreams in Darkness, i had to delete it, much to my disappointment. This was due to constant abuse from trolls. What are trolls? People who deliberately go out of their way to cause pain and suffering. Both with mental and physical health. Physical health, which is caused by the mental distress. All to do with the biological stress response. I shall go into that later.

During Lockdown last year, when the covid pandemic hit, I had to come off social media temporarily. This was due to my mental health, which I had no idea was declining severely. I thought lockdown was okay, yes, we were isolated in the house, but the sun was shining. It was fun, because things were different. We were in a period I’d never known before. I don’t mind change, but sometimes, I do not realise that actually, my brain does mind it. After I came off facebook and twitter, my mental health got worse. It got worse, because I was isolated. Yes, I had my phone, I could text people etc, but I couldn’t participate in the local radio station quizzes, as most were only on social media and the radio was really, all we had for company. The television was okay, but we mainly had the radio on for the government briefings and major messages that came through. My friend for 12 years, had just walked, so I was grieving. Grieving for a friendship I’d had for 12 years and had now lost. I did not realise how this was going to affect me, but it did. Severely. After consulting with my GP, who explained to me that this was a knock-on affect of the brain injury I susstained as a premature baby, (a brain haemorrhage) he came up with a plan: counselling. However, the waiting list was long and I did not have time to wait. I was struggling, at times suicidal. Wanting to self-harm, by hitting my head against walls, overdosing on my medication. I was in dyer need of help. In the meantime, I did some research, finding headway, the brain injury association. Having explained to them my situation, and how I was feeling, they put me in touch with my local branch, which was not in the Isle of man. They have helped me a lot and I really enjoy the zoom meetings. I also found a brain injury specialist counsellor, who is also helping me. I am still in therapy, as they say, and am also studying towards an open university degree in psychology. My main struggles with my brain injury, is social interaction and processing things, like boundaries. I struggle with them. I also have anger issues and lack of insight, in that I struggle to accept sometimes that I’ve done something wrong. It takes me a while to understand it. I sometimes cannot remember the full details of what happened to cause the wrong thing as well, so things become difficult. I am now on citalopram and have been for a year now. Without them, I’d be struggling with mood swings. I have made a few new friends, through lockdown. My life is slowly getting better. I hope. This will now be my new blog site, as well as facebook. I shall add the link later if I can learn how. I find blogging theraputic. I must go now and try to edit the rest of this site, as well as doing my university work. Hope everyone who follows me has a good day.