life in the darkness

This is an exerpt from my memoires I started writing back in 2008. I hope you will like it.

It was that time eventually. After 3 hard months of work. It was time to go out and sing. However, something was threatening to stop me singing. I started to develop a nasty sore throat, again. No! Not the day before a vital performance! why? Why? This was surely going to be it. I would have to cancel. It got worse. By the afternoon, I could hardly speak, again. There were signs of inflammation on my vocal cords. I could feel it threatening to come. Trying so desperately to get better, as fast and carefully as I could, I took drinks of honey in boiled water, had strong steamed baths, Albas oil in water, for me to breathe, as yet again, my breathing was affected. Also, I was under strict rules. At least twenty-four hours vocal rest. That meant no talking, at all. The Sunday morning dorned. Sunshine, beautiful sunshine. I tried to speak, but still all in vain.It was time. The car arrived. After taking yet another honey drink, and albas and steam bath, I was ready, ready to face what was thrown at me. I arrived at the hall, where I was to perform. Heart racing, nearer the time and breathing increasing, I tried to control the violent urge to cough. I couldn’t. I had to have some water. Perhaps it was just nerves, but I still had the fear that I would cough in the middle of singing. Here it was, the time. Would my voice fail? Now we would find out. After bearly even able to hit a d5 that morning, we would see, whether my voice was up to the test. I took the breath. Starting to sing, my voice was coming out. Smooth, warm, with vibrato, in full resonance. Exactly what i wanted. How was this? After all morning of desperate struggling during warm up exercises, and now it was coming out, perfectly? Not up to full potential, but still about ninety-five percent there. The marks were given, “Samantha Ash, 87” What? 87? Distinction? Wow!!! I thought. My heart leaped. On the monday night, my hair, once I was onstage, lit up in the glowing bright lights, which made it look like I had a halo around me from my feet up. It was beautiful, such a beautiful glow in the bright lights of the villa Marina Royal Hall stage. The cheers I received afterwards were unexpected. I was amazed. However on Friday, I had to sing German Lieder. I had to sing Du Bist die Ruh, a piece by Schubert. It means You are the Peace. So, it was time. I had done my exercises, eaten something and arrived waiting. Now, just a few minutes to go, and already my heart rate was speeding up. Guided on to the stage, I was placed right next to the piano, under the instructions of my singing teacher, who was to accompany me. He could not guide me on to the stage though, as he had to be ready and waiting at the piano. The time had come. After the harsh and somewhat bad remarks from the judge on Monday, I did not know what to expect. One of his remarks was that I “Look at the audience.” That’s very easy for someone who can see, but not for someone who is blind. The opening was played. Sighing heavily, I began, breath control very poor. I tried to sing the start, breath support becoming less and less. Oh no! I thought as the high note was coming up. It let go too soon. i lost, again. lost to in my opinion, someone who did not deserve the award. They were very poor. That defeat over with, after not gaining anything hardly from the experience apart from the fact it was not all fair, I set about preparing for the college talent competition, the final performance. April twenty-seventh dorned. A warm sunny morning. Lunch time approached fast. The boys planning all morning what they were going to do to me during the show. Shout, buzz, yell how rubbish I am and many more things besides. I have to admit, I lost my confidence. I asked the teacher, a very kind lady, alto, who sings in a choir, “Will they laugh? Do something? Is it worth going?” es. you must! You must go! You’ll be fine. Just fine. I promise.”With that, I walked from the room. Ready to face what was about to happen. Heart racing, I struggled to eat my lunch. The time had come. The man approached me. “Come after your lunch and meet me in the hall and wait there.””Certainly.”I replied. The time was nearing very quickly. The music to the show played, I was sitting backstage nervously awaiting my turn. first, second, third, forth, then fifth, me, me, my turn. Shaking slightly, I was guided onstage. Asking for a stand, as not to hold and whistle the microphone, which for your information, I detest greatly, I placed it on the stand. The music came. I began. here I was. Singing, and there they were The classmates in the audience. There they were I was waiting. Waiting for them to do something, it did not come. Then When I finished, the cheer that rose was completely unexpected. Eruptions of screams rose from the seats below. Gasping, I stood there amazed. That was all for me? Did I really do that well? Really? Really? Really? That is what I deserve? Afterwards, when it came to the judges comments, one of them was Italian. He asked “Did you know what you were singing? I hope you do. Those words were beautiful. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.”Another comment was “Technically excellent!”from the college principle. Then, the moment of truth. Did I win? or was this another defeat? No, It is defeat. I have not done it. I won’t do it. I know it. How wrong I was. “Don’t get excited.”Said a voice, ou’ve come first!”Totally surprised, I exclaimed “Wow! Wow!Have I?” es! yes you have!”I had no sooner walked out of the door into the corridor, when cheers came from a few feet away. “Wow! Oh goodness! All for me!”All for me!”Savouring the moment, I walked slowly, savouring my euphoria. My win, my first win, at long last, with singing. I proved the truth, I can sing. I am gifted. A few weeks later, my name was all over the local papers. People started asking “Can I have your autograph sam? Can i have your autograph?”yes! If you have a piece of paper and a pen, or even the newspaper, I will sign it!”I replied laughing. Another taste of what I think and hope with all my heart, is meant to be. A glimpse into my future singing career. The soprano who graces the met stage. The unique soprano, as she is blind.
One can dream. One can hope.