life in the darkness

Life has somehow taken a good turn, however there is a lot going on. I am now in a relationship with a guy who is totally blind. He collects records and has a very romantic way of sending songs from the 1940s and earlier. He collects rare records too and restores them, as he has a degree in music technology and audio engineering. Whilst that is a very new thing to me, the relationship front, I will face it head-on. I have never been in a relationship before so everything including hugs etc is extremely new. I have tried in the past, to start relationships with people, but it either sort of fizzled out, or they got frightened and ran away. I kind of blush when Rob tells me that he thinks about me all the time. It’s actually quite cute. And sweet. Bless him. There is, along side this brilliant chapter that is about to start, a rather challenging chapter. A family member has breast cancer and dealing with the fact she has had a mastectomy and waiting for the results, plus her mood swings because of the operation etc, is challenging, but we both support each other. I only broke down once so far, which was last week, when at Sight Matters. I find it hard to accept that she is a different person right now. Not the person I knew before. The one who was always active and never stopped. At the moment, I have to help with hoovering, cooking, lifting things as she is unable to do so. I do not mind this though. We both laugh at the fact I can only give her a (half-hug) not a full one yet. While I’m thinking positively about the results, my brain is doing strange things. I had a rather strange bad dream last night. With her passing away etc. I think that is because my brain is trying to piece things together or process them, but not doing it in the right way. I’m not worried about the dream I had, as I know at some point, it’ll happen eventually, and I will have to come to terms with it. That will be difficult and I will struggle, I know that. But I know I will have support. I know I have a lot of people who will help me with that. But on a brighter note, It’s sunny outside, I’m sitting in the garden. Hearing the noises of dogs barking, children playing out in the school playground, flies buzzing arround, the sound of starlings and jackdoors flying past as well. With the odd seagull punctuating into the mix. I hope everyone has a good weekend. I would like to thank those who take the time to read this blog and I hope they enjoy my updates, though they are at times, infrequent.