life in the darkness

So yet again, we have another heat wave! I’m enjoying it, although my asthma isn’t! I’m sitting in the garden, but in the shade. Yes, I’m sat in the garden, but that does not mean I’m “purposely.” aggravating my asthma. I am counting down the weeks until I go to Lourdes for the second time. It’s going to be amazing and I will be seeing some friends again, and making new ones I hope. This kind of weather is great for the voice, although I won’t be singing for a while, because of this chest issue. I’m headed off to the GP this afternoon to try and see what’s going on. What isn’t helping, is the constant trolling. People calling me Ash (Hole) and posting photoshopped photos of me with a lighter etc. Yes, I’ve made mistakes. Yes, I have hurt people. Again. Do I want to rectify that? Yes. I do. I am not a dangerous individual as some put it. I genuinely do care about people. I want to help them. That is why I started a psychology degree back in 2014. Do I have mental health issues? Yes. I have depression and at times, anxiety, although I can tell the difference between that and my IST flares. Do I have a personality disorder? Well, I don’t know, but I know one thing, It’s not narcissistic. Do I message people a lot? Yes. But that’s because I’m excited and want to get to know them. Or if we have something in common, then yes. I will message them. Do I have friends who I hardly message, but want to keep in touch with? Yes. But they will tell me if they’re busy. If they’re not comfortable with discussing certain things, they will tell me. Am I curious about medical things in general? Yes. Because I have always had an interest. Do I go after disabled people? No! I never have and never would! Am I interested in their disabilities? Yes. You can learn a lot from disabled people, including myself. They are fascinating, because we do things in many different ways, unlike neurotypical folk. Does that mean I would stalk them etc? No! Would I change the way I act towards them? Yes, because you have to adapt to their needs. I wouldn’t however speak in the fake care voice as I call it. I find most carers are quite patronising and bend down to you. They then speak in your face. Erm, no, you can speak to me normally, thank you very much. I do hope that has answered some of the questions people have been hearing and reading. I hope this will prevent any twisted information getting to people. As these trolls do that. Manipulate information to change it so they can use it against people. And it’s not just me they’re doing it too either. They are doing it to other people as well. I hope everyone has a good day. Take care, stay cool and don’t stay in the sun for too long.